Stuff I Don't Really Quite Get

I remain a Luddite about a lot of stuff, and there are many things that other people seem to enjoy a great deal that I simply can't fathom. Here's a partial list.

Does this look fun?

1. Warm climates. I simply cannot bear hot, humid weather. I grew up in such a climate and found the weather absolutely intolerable. Aside from perhaps having some pretty flowers (however, see Item No. 2), I simply can't see the appeal of visiting hot climates for vacation purposes. I don't like being in the water for any reason, and see swimming merely as a survival skill, much like tying a tourniquet or performing the Heimlich. If I'm lucky I could probably dog-paddle about 15 feet to safety should I fall into the water. If it's non-turbulent, not-very-cold water, that is.

To which I reply: Does this look fun?

2. Gardening. I have killed cactus (not on purpose). Plants do not mew or bark when they are hungry or thirsty, and they sure seem to need a lot of attention without giving you any in return. Then, there is the incessant weeding. And if you grew up in the afore-mentioned hot climate, your garden patch was inevitably rife with stinging fire ants. Need I say more?

The worst of two worlds.

3. Aerobic exercise. I know I should be able to find something redeeming in this one, but I simply cannot bear gasping for breath. Why would I willingly exert myself until I felt as though my heart and my lungs were going to explode? Here in New York I walk a lot--and briskly, beacause that's what New Yorkers do--and I hope that's enough.

Maybe I'll knit an iPhone, since everyone seems to think I need a cell.

4. Cell phones. Here's where my Luddite leanings are glaringly apparent. I don't even like regular phones--in fact, I have something of a phobia of the ringing telephone. I rarely answer it when I'm at home, so why would I want people to be able to find me when I'm not at home? And does anyone remember that not very long ago (not that long, I'm only 40) we didn't even have answering machines? How did we ever survive?! Heh.

5. Ugg boots. Are these going to go away soon? Of course, there was a time we thought rainbow suspenders and jelly shoes were cool, too.

Thanks, Mork.

And boy, would these make your feet sweat. Ew.

6. Artificial sweeteners. Okay, if you can't have sugar for medical reasons I understand this one. But does anyone have any idea how bad for you aspartame (i.e. Nutra-Sweet) is? I once met a woman whose father was an executive for Nutra-Sweet and he wouldn't let his family touch the stuff. Really. The medical evidence was so weighty against aspartame and the FDA was so loathe to approve it back in the early 1980s that it became a huge political fiasco. So you know who was brought in to push it through the system? A young Donald Rumsfeld. Scary stuff. So you might want to file this under stuff you'd rather not know.

So what don't you really quite get as 2009 commences? Leave us a comment and let us know.


Puss-in-Boots said...

Hahaha, I enjoyed that O'K and in some ways, I'm your polar opposite. I love the hot weather, that's why I moved to Queensland. I love the water. Us kids grew up near beaches and were always in the water. Mobile phones I can live without. Artificial sweeteners...don't take sugar anyway and to expand on that, I refuse to buy margarine, too. Give me real butter any day.

Uggs are okay indoors for your private enjoyment, no need to inflict them on the public, we agree there.

Exercise is a dirty word.

Good post, O.K.

meemsnyc said...

We hate humid weather too!! Yuk.

Obsidian Kitten said...

thanks for making me smile this morning! some people *should* like warm weather and water--that way we spread out and don't all want to live in one place, right? lol

and butter makes pretty much everything taste good, i'm completely with you there.

hehheh on the Uggs! and yep, exercise is absolutely a dirty word.

i guess me and meems live in nyc b/c we don't get too much of the yucky hot weather. it's supposed to snow today--yay!

Mouse said...

I agree with you on all accounts... except that I do have a pair of fake Ugg boots that I wear when I take the kidlet to the bus and take out the trash. I love them because they're warm (and we don't have heat..) and quick to throw on, but I don't wear them "in public". I have to admit that I'm hoping to score one of those pairs of high black faux Uggs this year on clearance at the end of the season.

Chris said...

I'm very similar about hating ringing phones! But I have to say that I like my cell phone, too. I haven't had a landline for nearly 4 years - ever since I got DSL and didn't have to dial in anymore.

What I like about the cell? I can control many ringing options (mine makes a single quiet tone), see who's calling, and call my pal Jeanne when I find something cool that I think she might love. (Best example - calling her while she was at work and I was on vacation: "So I'm at an outlet store in Wyoming right now, looking at adorable sheep pjs. Want or not?")

My phone is for MY convenience, not anyone else's, so I feel no obligation to answer it. And I do like the calling for emergency assistance option in case of car trouble. Please note that I do not talk on my cell in restaurants, libraries, etc. :)

Obsidian Kitten said...

mouse, i'll confess that uggs are one of those things i'm seeing so much that i'm almost beginning to want a pair myself. must resist!

chris makes an excellent argument for the cell phone. i have to say that the iPhone has tempted me...it just looks so darn cool.

Laura said...

I'm with you on . . . yep, pretty much everything! I do have a cell, but primarily for essential purposes and I am not ANYbody's beck-and-call girl. And if I'm going to use an artificial sweetener (honey and sugar just don't dissolve well in iced tea!), I stick to good ol' fashioned saccharin - it hasn't killed me yet, despite the cancer scares of the 80s, and doesn't give me headaches like aspartame.

What I don't get is going outside in a northern clime in winter, sans hat, scarf, and mittens, and then complaining about the cold. Um - hello!?!

Carrie K said...

Water is for being on. Not for swimming in. How barbaric.

Humidity is awful, except I love my hair in it. Not so much breathing.

I love my iPhone. I use it more as an iPod but having all the features (email, mileage log, weather, safari, stitchcount app etc, is pretty sweet too.) I'm like Chris. The cell is for my convenience, not to tether me to the outside world.

Severina said...

I'll agree on all of those except for the plants. They don't argue or complain and I usually kill only about half of them and the cat takes care of about a third of the survivors. We share.

I'm guessing the humidity here in Richmond could kick your childhood humidity's ass, but without the fire ants. I think Richmond was built on a swamp. Smells like a swamp, at any rate.

A fire-hot rampaging hate of mine--flip-flops. Guys in flip-flops especially so. I prefer my feet to sweat in private in a nice pair of Chucks or thrift-store combat boots, plus I see what's been fermenting on the sidewalk in the humidity and I don't want my toes anywhere near it.

Severina said...

You think you're a Luddite? I use a damn rotary phone and carry a wind-up pocket watch.

And the only reason I see to get a cell is if I had a car. Or for snazzy games. I'm a sucker for computer games.

Obsidian Kitten said...

true--plants do die extremely quiet deaths in my experience. that's a big plus.

i don't know about the humidity--richmond is pretty bad but augusta, GA is truly the sweaty armpit of the south. *plus* the ants.

i totally forgot about flip-flops. i never wear open-toed shoes either for much the same reason as you (the sidewalks of nyc being what they are) and i completely agree that most people should avoid them--especially men. then there's that squishy-squashy noise the flip-flops make while they're flipping and flopping...ugh. and when did people begin wearing them everywhere, not just to the pool or the beach? it's just wrong.

does anyone have the "Shivering Kittens" game on their iPhone? now i really might have to get me one...